life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I believe in your delicious
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
