No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize