we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
