I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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