I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize