I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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