So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
