you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
