Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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