KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
