So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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