I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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