If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
