i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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