Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
