I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize