it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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