Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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