did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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