8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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