Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
