The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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