Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
