she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
