You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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