It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
