her vagine was all disorganized.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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