So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
