my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
