If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
