So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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