Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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