You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
