Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize