please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
