did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
