i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
