I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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