I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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