six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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