My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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