Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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