can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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