margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
