oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
