Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
