okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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