Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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