I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
