He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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