Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
