I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
