I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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