i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize