And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize