So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
FUCK WHALES
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
