I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
