we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
