all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize