i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
