I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
As shirtless as possible
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
