I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
