...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
