if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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