I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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