I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
