pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
