I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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