you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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