eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
