about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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