i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
