Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
