i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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