If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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