I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
