He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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