How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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