I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
