This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
