When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this must be what syphilis tastes like
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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