Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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