i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
