If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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