yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
