all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
