Jerry, you need to find god
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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