I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
