apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
