Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
