U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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