Barsexuality is the new black.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Please don't give away my fajitas
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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