My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
