She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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