The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
