Moan for me like Helen Keller
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
