your room smells of hookers.
And success
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
