Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
