I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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