we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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