Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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