he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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