my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
