Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
