he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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