I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you traded sex for a burrito?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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