I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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