Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize