Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize