The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
