it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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