i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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