porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
